This morning I had to take Bert for an operation. It wasn’t anything serious, and now he’s resting quietly at home.
You see, Bert was born – just like Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer – with a very shiny nose.
Now let’s face it, shiny noses are not very macho; and Bert is not a – well, how shall I say it – a Honda!
Worse than that, from day one, Bert’s nose had this unsightly yellow and green growth. But I managed to remove that with a sharp knife before anyone noticed.
I’ve seen a lot of Ford Rangers with handsome non-shiny black and red noses, but most of those were in Malaysia. Red noses seem to be very difficult to buy in Thailand, despite the fact the Malaysian ones are all made in Thailand. I guess they’re all exported. Perhaps SNS (Shiny Nose Syndrome) originated in Malaysia and spread north.
Anyways, on the way back from Songkhla last weekend, not too far from home in Tha Sala, I noticed a workshop with a couple of really macho 4×4 trucks outside. It didn’t look like the kind of place that would bother with noses. More of a rugged suspension and winches type of place. But I figured it was a good starting point.
However; the nice lady said she could easily cure Bert’s little problem, but that it might take a few days to source the nose I’d been looking for. And so, after a somewhat impatient wait, today was nose-transplant day.
Bert was hidden well inside while the operation took place – I guess, to prevent him or anyone else from any further embarrassment. Although, I think it would be hard to know if Bert was blushing!
Three or four guys rushed around pulling off bits, fitting new bits, wiring up Bert’s new scary eyes, while a young lady cleaned and polished anything that looked like it needed cleaning and polishing. I stood well back just in case!
Et voilà after only about ten minutes, Bert had a new nose.
I don’t know if he’s happier, but I sure am. I don’t like chrome.
The rear bumper has to go at some point, maybe after I’ve put a few more dents in it. And wide rims, tires and wheel arches are on the wish list. Some of those things though will have to wait until Bert is out of warranty because I don’t want to hear the words “We’ve had to replace all your knockle pins and grommet flanges due to your big rims, so it’s not under warranty” or something similar.
The built-into-the-nose LED lights are a good feature too because let’s face it, Bert is a little hard to see. 🙂 Seriously though, it’s a known fact that some kind of daylight running lights help to prevent accidents. In Canada my headlights were always on, day or night, but in Malaysia and Thailand people are always flashing you (with their lights, that is) so I normally just turned on Bert’s fog lights. Now I don’t need to.
And last but not least a shameless plug for my new friends. If you need anything related to 4×4, off road, rally, or whatever, give these folks a call. They compete, so they know what they’re doing and what they’re selling. And with motorsport being a small family, we discovered we have mutual friends…